The Parasite

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The second part of my discussion with Dr. John Lemoncelli, author and Psychologist, was short. I dodged and darted from the topic because I was terrified. He discusses in his book, Healing from Childhood Trauma: Understanding the Effects. Taking Control to Recover, the concept of a parasite. I talked about this briefly in my blog post entitled The Analysis, but spent more time on the fragmentation of self, the result of the parasite.

This parasite, as Dr. Lemoncelli states, is a result or trauma. It seeks to eat at the very being of a person telling them they are broken and breaking them down. He discusses the importance of identifying the source of the parasite so that it can be eradicated. While talking with me on the phone he stopped in the middle of a sentence to tell me that blaming myself for what happened is the parasite within me. He told me that I MUST discuss what happened in detail so that someone else can hold that story for me and show me there is no judgment or blame.

When you hand someone a gun and tell them to shoot you it does not take away the fact that they committed murder. Believing the one who handed over the gun to be the murderer is resetting the judicial system as Dr. Lemoncelli put it.

So, at some point in my recovery process I need to talk about how and why I handed someone a gun to shoot me. And I need to be okay with being the one who handed over the gun. This next step seems daunting and impossible, but I want to do it.

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