Making an Effort

-
A lot of people I know set New Year's resolutions. Resolutions are easy to make and easy to break, so I set an intention for 2019. It isn't about trying so much as making the effort, and yes, there is a difference. Trying allows for failure or quitting. Making an effort is just that, making an effort. There is no failure if I do what I say I will do.

This year my effort will be spent on a journey toward something incredible. I believe there is a succession of self. There is grace, acceptance, and then worth. In this chain I will be making an effort to see myself with the same grace and kindness that I see other people.

I have been working toward seeing myself as I am. My intelligence, my humor, and my style of interacting with myself and others from the time I was young. I have been taking a good, hard look at my mistakes as well as the things I do well.  What I see, I do not like. I have this innate disgust for the choices I have made in life. But that isn't the point. The point is I am making an effort to see myself honestly. The beautiful and ugly. And give myself grace for both. To be kind. This year I just want to be kind to myself.

Honestly, I am sitting here thinking about how uncomfortably overweight I feel while I drink cold coffee and refuse to eat breakfast. This is going to be a tough intention to work through, but honesty about this intention and where I am will allow others to push me and call me out when I need it.

So, I have an intention set for you as well. I ask that you make an effort to help me be kind to myself. Ask me what I did for myself recently. Ask me about my thoughts about myself. Ask me about God's view of me.

It is so much easier see others with grace and kindness because I know how God sees them. I do not see myself the way God sees me though. I see this muddy, rusty piece of junk laying on the side of the road, completely undesirable.

I am seeking to see myself the way God sees me. It's about making an effort. An effort toward kindness and grace.

Comments

  1. UnknownJanuary 4, 2019 at 2:02 PM

    You are stronger than you know. I hope you find the strength in yourself and in God to accomplish your goals. Hugs.... and keep smiling!!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why Now?

-
Image
My brother and I cut down a tree that had potential to fall and damage the shed and barn. We cut, split, and stacked the logs but left the brush in a large pile in the yard. Because it was green wood and brush, my brother, who was very intelligent but rather carefree and fearless, doused it in gasoline. He was standing about five feet away when he lit the small cardboard match. A deafening boom was heard, and the ground shook. I looked over at my brother, and he was laying on the ground about 15 feet away with singed arm hair, eyelashes, and eyebrows. One tiny match caused an instant, blazing fire. On another occasion, I had collected brush from around the farm in an effort to clean up the apple and apricot orchards. It was dry brush; perfect for a family campfire. A little newspaper at the bottom of the twigs and larger sticks and limbs at the top made for the perfect recipe. My brother struck the match, threw it at the newspaper, and the fire began growing steadily until it w...
Read more

2021: What in the Sam Hill Does it Mean to "Engage?"

-
Image
In case you did not get the memo, I have been away for "a minute," as the folks in Utah say quite frequently. I "dipped out" of Pennsylvania on December 28th to head to Annie's House in Draper, UT. It is one of the locations for Steps Recovery Center, owned by a very kind man named Ty (and co-owner Paul) with a rad Marketing Director, Kevin (I am sure I will talk about Ty and Kevin in a later post - those guys came in once or twice a week - and patiently smiled every time I said, "free weights?"). If you go to their website, you will see that it is advertised as a Drug and Alcohol Rehabilitation Center. It is that too. It actually helps almost anyone with almost all symptoms/self-destructive habits by treating mental health and trauma.  I mention the above to give a reason why my 2021 intention is coming a few months after January 1st but also why I have already been quite successful at working on it. So, to get this out of the way, "engage" ...
Read more

Challenge By Choice

-
Image
Photo Credit: CLAS Ropes Course and Canoe Rental, Provo, UT I’d like to think I was compared to Robbie Knievel the other day, but I guess I should admit that my therapist was actually comparing the process of EMDR to Robbie Knievel's famous  Grand Canyon jump  (start at 35:35). Her analogy: Robbie used the throttle perfectly to make his jump across the canyon successful. If he pulled back on the throttle too much, he wouldn't have made it to the other side. I have apparently, well, obviously, been throttling back in my EMDR sessions. I know holding back is going to keep me from getting across my canyon, and  I don't want to be outdone by some badass daredevil who hit 92+ mph at the top of a ramp and dropped 45 feet down while gliding 228 feet across to a rough but successful landing (he broke his leg - "a mere flesh wound"). I can be a badass like him. When I was asked in a recent processing session if I thought I could keep going with EMDR, I thoughtfully conside...
Read more