Journey

Photo Credit: Alexander Krivitsky, Unsplash I've been thinking about failure a lot lately. More specifically, I have been thinking about how I am a failure. Does anyone remember my run-in with Cognitive Processing Therapy in late 2019? I do. I made it to the halfway mark in the process and had to call it because I couldn't change the way I was thinking; TKO. CPT is a sub-type of Cognitive Behavior Therapy and is typically a great form of therapy for people dealing with cognitive dissonance. You either learn to change your thoughts, or you learn to change your actions. Neither felt possible to me because I was convinced that I was at fault for the trauma I was trying to process. I couldn't refute my own arguments even when they made no logical sense to others. Truthfully, it wasn't just that I felt responsible for the trauma. I couldn't quite pinpoint what I felt, or rather what I thought, in a way that I could communicate fully. Either way, trauma won, and I lost. I

Photo Credit: Brett Jordan, Unsplash Outer Chaos My house needs to be cleaned, laundry needs to be done (sheets, towels, and clothes), bills need to be paid, checkbook needs to be balanced, the menu needs to be made, a grocery store run needs to be done, and animals need to be taken care of. I have three books lying around the house that I desperately want to read. One of those books had two starts, and in three weeks time has only progressed to page 136. The others haven't been opened for two weeks, at least. There are three incomplete blog posts sitting in my draft box, not including this one. My Mom fell two weeks ago. It was hard to see her so vulnerable and laying on the floor. It was hard to see how much my Dad does for her. He's not just cooking, cleaning, mowing the lawn, maintaining the pool, fixing things around the house, preparing for my family to come to visit (making beds, getting extra groceries to make sure we had things that we needed, making brownies that Ian