Journey

I was given some of my brother's preaching on CD for Christmas. I listened to one of his messages a couple weeks ago. It was bittersweet. Hearing his voice and knowing it is in a kind of time capsule was difficult, but the most difficult was listening to the message and actually hearing the words. Matt told a story about a young man at Shoney's who was obviously in some sort of distress, sitting all alone at a table where he was clearly waiting for someone. The conversation between my brother and this young man eventually turned to faith, and the young man asked if it was worth leaving everything behind to follow God. My brother passionately described what was going on in his head at that very minute. He screamed, "yes!" He also used his infamous phrase, "Is a frog's butt watertight?" I didn't leave much behind when I trusted in Christ. I did so at the age of five, and really, what kind of life can you possibly leave behind at that age?! But, I c

I recently read a book entitled Blindspot. It is about the biases we carry for or against groups of people. Harvard devised tests called the Implicit Association Tests. They can be found here:  https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/  They include simplistic tools to determine bias concerning age, gender, race, religion, sexuality, and more. While I am unsure of the reliability and validity of these tests I enjoyed taking several of them. I trust the results for one reason: They seem to reflect who I am as a person. You see, I am mediocre at best. My sister is the kind of person who would give you the shirt off of her back if it was the last shirt she had. She has this strong sense of empathy. She works elderly patients, and it suits her well. She also used to work with premature babies. By her very nature she is giving. My oldest brother was an anomaly. He was an excellent athlete who played football and bent his face mask every game in high school. He went on to join the military

I mentioned in a previous post that I set an intention for 2019 to treat myself with kindness and grace as I grow to understand more about myself and the decisions I have made and continue to make. This will not be an easy challenge, but it is only the beginning of a journey I am on. It is part of the process I am beginning to trust. It is part of seeing myself the way God sees me.  I mentioned today in speaking with someone that when I can finally face who I am and the decisions I have made I fear for my safety because what if I don't like any of it. I heard a story about a man who was sexually assaulted when he was young by a man and since that time has questioned his sexuality. He is a man in prison, and if it comes out that he favors men it is possible that his life will be in jeopardy. This is me. What if I cannot accept the me I have become and my life is suddenly threatened. At what point is it wise to explore that self and acknowledge in wholeness that I am who I am. I am

A lot of people I know set New Year's resolutions. Resolutions are easy to make and easy to break, so I set an intention for 2019. It isn't about trying so much as making the effort, and yes, there is a difference. Trying allows for failure or quitting. Making an effort is just that, making an effort. There is no failure if I do what I say I will do. This year my effort will be spent on a journey toward something incredible. I believe there is a succession of self. There is grace, acceptance, and then worth. In this chain I will be making an effort to see myself with the same grace and kindness that I see other people. I have been working toward seeing myself as I am. My intelligence, my humor, and my style of interacting with myself and others from the time I was young. I have been t aking a good, hard look at my mistakes as well as the things I do well.  What I see, I do not like. I have this innate disgust for the choices I have made in life. But that isn't the point