Is Your Life Worth Something?

-
I was given some of my brother's preaching on CD for Christmas. I listened to one of his messages a couple weeks ago. It was bittersweet. Hearing his voice and knowing it is in a kind of time capsule was difficult, but the most difficult was listening to the message and actually hearing the words.

Matt told a story about a young man at Shoney's who was obviously in some sort of distress, sitting all alone at a table where he was clearly waiting for someone. The conversation between my brother and this young man eventually turned to faith, and the young man asked if it was worth leaving everything behind to follow God. My brother passionately described what was going on in his head at that very minute. He screamed, "yes!" He also used his infamous phrase, "Is a frog's butt watertight?"

I didn't leave much behind when I trusted in Christ. I did so at the age of five, and really, what kind of life can you possibly leave behind at that age?! But, I cannot imagine what my life would be like if I hadn't trusted in Christ and went through life. Where would I be? I probably would not even be a coffee loving blogger. I can speculate exactly where I would be because I still fight with myself and Satan on a daily basis to choose truth.

I was devastated when my brother chose, for a season, to walk away from the faith he held so tightly to for another season of his life, especially as a pastor. I watched the heartache and anger it caused. I prayed and fought my own heart to not become angry and bitter. I fought to not fall in line with him because he was so important to my faith journey.

Partially motivated by my brother's descent and partially by my own faith, a faith very different from Abraham's, I am choosing to walk a different path. A path that is not easy for me, but at the end of my life, however long that may be, I want to believe my life has been worth something. Not just choose to avoid the sin but to choose the extraordinary.

My brother referenced 2 Samuel 23. The passage is about a man who stood alone in the field fighting an army of Philistines. God gave him great victory that day. This man did something extraordinary.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Challenge By Choice

-
Image
Photo Credit: CLAS Ropes Course and Canoe Rental, Provo, UT I’d like to think I was compared to Robbie Knievel the other day, but I guess I should admit that my therapist was actually comparing the process of EMDR to Robbie Knievel's famous  Grand Canyon jump  (start at 35:35). Her analogy: Robbie used the throttle perfectly to make his jump across the canyon successful. If he pulled back on the throttle too much, he wouldn't have made it to the other side. I have apparently, well, obviously, been throttling back in my EMDR sessions. I know holding back is going to keep me from getting across my canyon, and  I don't want to be outdone by some badass daredevil who hit 92+ mph at the top of a ramp and dropped 45 feet down while gliding 228 feet across to a rough but successful landing (he broke his leg - "a mere flesh wound"). I can be a badass like him. When I was asked in a recent processing session if I thought I could keep going with EMDR, I thoughtfully conside
Read more

How to Flood Unit A4 With Style

-
Image
It has been a really long time since I watched the movie Castaway, but I know Tom Hanks was on a plane that crashed, leaving him the lone survivor on a deserted island. He befriended a volleyball, which he called Wilson, and he spoke with it as though attempting to hang on to sanity while also losing what little sanity he had left. I was just discharged after 3 weeks in a psychiatric hospital. The census was low (sometimes down to 5 when the unit holds 22), and that made it seem as though we were on a deserted island. We were unable to leave the unit so that there would be no chance of cross contamination between units if someone was diagnosed with COVID-19. This meant no trips to the courtyard, no trips to the cafeteria for meals (to also obtain unlimited quantities of coffee), and no use of the recreation room. For entertainment we were given a red soccer ball and Cornhole. Ironically, we named our red soccer ball just as Tom Hanks named his volleyball. "Corona" provi
Read more

Hibernation

-
During the most difficult time of year, the coldest months, some animals hibernate. Bats hibernate in the winter by finding an abandoned area and going into a state of torpor. This is where most bodily functions are slowed down to help them regulate their temperature. They can drop their heart rate down to as low as 10 beats per minute from about 600 beats per minute or more. Sometimes bats awaken and adjust their body temperature, but they continue in this state of torpor throughout the winter months. During the times I struggle most with depression and suicidal ideation I tend to hibernate away from people. I stop communicating what is going on and isolate myself so I don't have to explain how I feel, or even experience what is going on inside of me. It is part shame and guilt and part fear of the next possible step. You see, I have been in the hospital probably 30 times in the past three years. I am afraid of being away from my family or inconveniencing friends who need to tak
Read more