Journey

The second part of my discussion with Dr. John Lemoncelli, author and Psychologist, was short. I dodged and darted from the topic because I was terrified. He discusses in his book, Healing from Childhood Trauma: Understanding the Effects. Taking Control to Recover , the concept of a parasite. I talked about this briefly in my blog post entitled The Analysis, but spent more time on the fragmentation of self, the result of the parasite. This parasite, as Dr. Lemoncelli states, is a result or trauma. It seeks to eat at the very being of a person telling them they are broken and breaking them down. He discusses the importance of identifying the source of the parasite so that it can be eradicated. While talking with me on the phone he stopped in the middle of a sentence to tell me that blaming myself for what happened is the parasite within me. He told me that I MUST discuss what happened in detail so that someone else can hold that story for me and show me there is no judgment or blame. ...

A few months ago I read a book entitled Healing from Childhood Abuse: Understanding the Effects. Taking Control to Recover . In this book Dr. John Lemoncelli describes the effects of abuse and the abuse itself as a parasite that slowly eats away at its host. He discusses how the parasite must be located and eradicated. He also discusses the effects of this parasite stating that the self or ego begins to fragment. I was curious what this fragmentation was and what it looked like, so I contacted him through his website. This was a seemingly benign question, but his response to me stated that he must talk with me to answer in context. Little did I know he would examine my life and give me examples of my own fragmentation over the phone for a little over an hour and a half. I have discussed before about the peril of all or nothing thinking, but I had no idea that this all or nothing thinking was really the fragmentation of self. All or nothing thinking is the opposite of seeing gray area...

In the movie, The Grinch, the one with Jim Carrey, there is a scene where he is talking to his echo. The echo obviously repeats everything after him, and he becomes annoyed and says, "I'm an idiot!" so that the echo will call itself an idiot. Instead, the echo says, "You're an idiot, you're an idiot, you're an idiot." I call myself an idiot all the time, and then I find myself repeating it as the echo does in a humorous way. I have been an idiot. I know, I know. I shouldn't call myself that, but let's be honest shame causes us to call ourselves all kinds of things. I noted in The Peril of All or Nothing Thinking that I tend to make bad choices when the stress of life begins to get to me. Recently, I had a very difficult therapy session and instead of dealing with it by talking about it I shut down (bad choice #1). I went home and used the coping skill I have used the majority of my life: self harm (bad choice #2). I then contacted someone f...

As I started work I found myself dwelling on a few things I felt I had done incorrectly. I work for my local borough so there are a lot of rules, regulations, and otherwise that make this job seem more difficult (at least until I learn some of it). I was making copies for the law library. There were about 4 binders full of ordinances and resolutions, which as I found out are very different. The law library technically only needs the ordinances. I was copying all of them, wasting paper, wasting toner, and taking unnecessary time on the clock. A few days before this I had to put all of the meeting minutes into lockable binders so no one could remove or tamper with the official documents. I transferred all of the minutes from the regular binder to the locking binder and made it read like a book. I then looked at books that had been previously transferred and realized they were filed with the most recent on top. Instead of changing mine I assumed I should change the others. This has gn...