Journey

I started my first ever intention in 2019. I wanted something more for myself after spending the past several years in hospitals. I did not want to set a resolution to be happy, lose weight, drink more water, or any of the other ridiculous things people come up with. I wanted to be kind and compassionate with myself. I wanted to understand what it is like to treat myself the way I try to treat others. The day I went public with my intention, I was sitting at my dining room table in misery. I was drinking cold coffee and thinking about how uncomfortably overweight I felt. I was hungry, but I refused to eat.  This year has been a spiral staircase of sorts. Each step is a step of progress because I am moving upward, but each step also brings me back around. Kindness, trigger, hatred, hard work, kindness, trigger, hatred, etc.  Six months into my intention I was able to highlight several areas in which I was making an effort to be kind toward myself: 1. I was spending m...

Have you ever eaten something so dry that it seems to get stuck somewhere in your esophagus? The esophagus starts to spasm to get the food down, and it is painful. You have to wait patiently for it to move back up the esophagus or all the way down to the stomach for the pain to stop. My Relationships with People and Myself It is no secret that I have been fighting with myself recently. My fight (or lack of fight?) seems to be a roadblock to CPT, and I have been chewing on this for a few weeks. This Tuesday, we stepped away from the script. We discussed which direction we need to move toward. The door was open to me for discussing my feelings. The problem is, the pain feels so intense I have no idea what I am feeling. I know I am sad. Really, really sad. I have a constant lump in my throat begging me to release the pressure valve. I also have this weight in my chest from not letting it go. I avoided that like I avoid the stomach flu: staying far, far away. I was also given the oppor...